Wednesday, June 24, 2009

To the security salespeople bugging the shit out of everyone in the East Ward

First, piss off.

Secondly, I have no idea why police director Irv Bradley supposedly wrote a letter of endorsement for you. His letter doesn't make it okay for you to knock on our doors at inopportune times and talk at us with your stinky breath, and not get out of our sight until we slam our doors in your faces. We don't care if Hizzoner Doug Palmer Hizzelf, or President Obama or even Jesus Christ the Savior had penned that "it's okay to peddle security systems here" letter. Permission to be douchely does not make it okay. We have choices in this life, and you, security salespeople, are choosing incorrectly.

Furthermore, when you do, on the rare occasion, slip us some sort of literature about your irrelevant business, we absolutely do not think you're an environmentally-friendly company when you ask for it back. You're not green. You're just too fucking cheap — in the off-chance you're legit — to make brochures and business cards. And that incredibly pathetic, because it's possible to have basic business cards printed for about $6 or less these days. Morons.

We East Ward residents, for the most part, are a nice people. Most of us are not inherently unfriendly. But you, salespeople, are rude, despicable, soulless, and have bad breath, besides. You have invaded our space, our free time, and our peace, and we get enough of that from the thugs among us, which is why all of us have security systems to begin with. We are angry, and we're tired. Because of you.

We have no idea why our neighborhoods are SO important to you that you appealed to the police director to get his permission to harass us. If you really cared about us, you'd rent a little shop here in Trenton. We know you don't care, though. So go rent a kiosk at the mall, or a table at the flea markets, or go pound salt up your ass. Just LEAVE US ALONE.


G Spot said...

I'm going to quit that part-time sales job I just got.

DTV Deputy CleƤn said...

Jeez, they're just former Mormon missionaries who care about the safety of your home... snicker.

Anonymous said...

This is an indirect result of the "Do Not Call" list. Print up a large "NO SOLICTING SIGN" and post it prominently, if they still knock I understand there are consequences (a ticket?, Mentos? I'm not sure.)