Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Trenton should not be the way it is, currently. We need a change in leadership, for sure, but we also need a few rocket propelled grenade launchers, and we need them now, on a few select corners around the city. How about Rossell Avenue and Willow? S. Clinton and Beatty? The gas station on the corner of Greenwood and Chambers (you know which one I mean)? And just about any street that crosses Hermitage?

In my vision of a New Trenton, we need those RPG launchers on those corners, and we'd also have a couple of floaters to pass around the city, just to keep the knuckleheadery on its toes. If I could, I'd be filling out the application now for my floater launcher; I'd be happy to mount it on my telescope tripod. The guy in the tricked-out Crown Vic, the one who doesn't even live here, would be SO gone. BLAM! His friend in the neon Monte Carlo — BLAMMO! The guy who is trying to turn my neighborhood into an open-air drug market would become a barbecue pit, where, in my future neighborhood, the good residents could gather round and break bread, in peace. The dudes who think it's okay to play paintball here are gonna get painted crispy: BLAM BLAM BLAM!! I'd have the launcher aimed at the guy who's playing his music so loud that my walls are rattling, so he better turn it down, if he knows what's good for him. And if the crazy guy who lives behind me who screams incoherently at the garbage men on Wednesdays, wakes up my baby one more friggin' time, he's in for a world of pain. BLAM!

Yep, I know, I know, I'm full of great ideas, but alas, I am not running for office. Not to toot my own horn, but we can only hope that 2010's council and mayoral candidates have ideas half as good as mine. 

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