Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Emperor

A year ago, an Ellis Avenue man named El Bey declared his property — where he kept a couple of horses — a sovereign nation. As an autonomous state, Emperor El Bey was exempt from the petty ordinances of Trenton. The Emperor could have reigned quietly for many years, and perhaps even annexed neighboring properties, had the stink of his horses' poo not pissed off his neighbors. It's not like Trenton ordinances are enforced with regularity, anyway.

A couple of years back, Glen and I put some manure down in our garden, and several neighbors bitched, so I can't help but wonder if maybe El Bey's neighbors are simply nature haters? There are a lot of them in Trenton, after all.

There's been little follow-up in the news about the living arrangements of the Emperor's horses, Princess and Pop. So, this morning, Glen and I did a polite drive-by the Ellis Avenue Embassy, and did not immediately see any horses, but we did see evidence of them; the backyard looked like a farmyard. So, I assume he's keeping them on his property — err, nation — because it seems this case is headed to court. Further support for my assumption that he must have the horses in his immediate custody is because earlier this summer, the Emperor, along with his horses, trotted over to the Trenton Free Public Library headquarters on Academy Street, in an attempt to woo library director, Kimberly Matthews. However, Matthews did not swoon and ride off on horseback with El Bey; instead, she notified her security guards to call the police.

El Bey, as far as we know, is still without an empress, Ruling an empire, even if it's just the backyard of a north Trenton duplex, can be lonely business. He is not without an heir, though: according to news reports, he owes child support to three different women.

Child support delinquency is serious business, but I have to thank Emperor for his declaration of sovereignty, and, as long as his horses are well-tended, I kinda hope he'll be allowed keep them. If he wins, I have new plans for my house and property.

Those plans do not involve horses. I always thought girls who were into horses were kinda weird. Rather, I plan to follow El Bey's lead, and create a sovereign nation of my own, on my corner.

I'm formulating my constitution, but will refrain, for now, from sharing it here, in case El Bey's case does not establish a precedent. But if it does, things are gonna change around here.


DTV Deputy Cleän said...

I'd rather smell horse shit than garbage truck juice.

Anonymous said...

I was kinda hoping the Library director would accept the emperor's offer and become Kimberly Bray-El Bey. Poetic.