Hi. My name is Willie, and I'm the write-in that cost Eric Jackson a spot in Trenton's mayoral run-off. For that, I'm truly sorry, because our current choices really chew the root, and I don't think Eric Jackson sucks as badly as the other two guys combined. I predict more people will vote on the water deal referendum tomorrow than will vote for mayor, though I know many more Trentonians will stay home.
Because the thought of a whole bunch of people staying home tomorrow really pesters me, I'd like to propose a more inspiring option: vote for me. Now, I'm not sure which one of you wrote my name down on that controversial ballot. I'd like to simultaneously smack you upside the head, and give you a big ole wet one. I'm not a politician, but with nearly a month of thinking about things since that fateful write-in, I'm pretty sure I can do a better job than most of the dummies running, combined.
All I'm saying is if you write my name in tomorrow, for any position, and, in the off-chance, I win (which is possible here in a city where so few vote), I will be happy to serve. I don't have a real platform, but I promise I will impose some serious money saving measures, and surround myself with uptight, mathematical sorts and the occasional republican, and not brown-nosers who just want a damn job.
Thank you and God Bless you, and God Help Trenton. WILLIE FOR PUBLIC OFFICE! WRITE IN WILLIE!